I’m still grieving over this year’s loss.
The pain still lingers but I have to move on.
I’ve been reading through the how to’s and talking with the who’s but losing someone and things you treasure is subjective and by that, I can’t just learn from the eyes of another but rather through feeling itself. The stages of grief seem like an echo and yet I still feel a twinge in the vestiges of my heart.
The loss of my grandmother still pains me to this day
She was the only person whom I ever felt unconditional love from the very beginning. Nanay made me feel what it was like to be loved without anything in return. She was so filled with love and tenderness but she was a tough cookie and I loved her to bits. I always find it amusing whenever friends who get to meet her tell me I’m sorta like her. We have the same attributes and actions, except that I didn’t have hard as stone abs and flexors. It makes me happy whenever she visits me in my dreams, I get to hug her all the time.
Her birthday is coming up. December 7th.
I used to always surprise her with roses (her favorite) and cake every year always on mother’s day and her birthday. I knew she loved that despite not asking for it, the look on her face was always priceless.
This year and the next years to come, I’ll still be lighting the candles Nanay, but it won’t be on top of a cake anymore.
I miss you so much and a happy birthday Nanay.
MY OLD blog
I never thought a part of me would be pining away over something so intangible. I’m not even sure if this is being materialistic but I spent a great deal of time, effort, love and sweat because I thought it would last forever. I did everything from scratch including the layout and theme (with a lil bit of help) and all the photos and written content. To others, it wouldn’t mean much. It’s practically another speck in the interwebs but that didn’t matter. To me, it was a part of me, a digital appendage.
Another reason I made a blog wasn’t just to show off. But so that I could impart a little bit of knowledge and experience to the world. I do hope my previous blog had helped others in some way. I barely shared my blog to my social media channels. Aside from that, looking through my blogs helped me remember the things I didn’t want to forget. The hard work, the things people, friends and especially myself went through. But I can’t do that anymore.
I thought I could leave a part of me behind when I pass and this loss just made me realize I can easily disappear like some digital glitter swept in the air. All that hard work, gone.
Because of due negligence from my previous hosting provider. He advised me that I’ll just have to wait for my .com domain to expire and I could easily buy it back. But lo and behold, my domain was purchased in advance by another company. I tried keeping in touch with him and all he could say was sorry.
I was told that I’d still be able to retrieve that blog when I have the SQL database but I don’t know if I can get that anymore. It still pains me whenever I think about it.
If anyone can help me, please help.
